When I was younger, I’d imagine we humans were part of something much larger than we could ever know.
I would think of this while my mom would pump gas at a station, and I’d lean back in the seat and stare up at the sky, letting my mind wander. I’d picture larger humans, giants, arranging our lives the way they wanted.
These giants were not God, not a higher being. They were ordinary humans that dressed the same as you and I. We were their dolls in their world, and they could dress us up, take us to work, go places they wanted us to go.
Did they always control us, or did we have control of ourselves?
I’d picture them pushing our cars, making us do yard work, tucking us into bed. It wasn’t anyone but “them.” But, I had this feeling that sometimes they let us do our own “things.” They let us fall in love, eat what we want, get bad grades on tests.
Ultimately, who was it that controlled my fate? As if we can even understand what that word means. I always thought of these giants, invisible of course, as the ones that made us who we are. They made our every move like a chess game played in silence.
Now, remembering these childish thoughts, I wonder if I was ever wrong. How can we begin to know who controls where we go?